Discovering My Passions

After our youngest daughter helped with my blog designs, I thought the major hurdle in creating blogs was over. I didn’t take my limited computer skills into account. Would you believe my husband figured out that our system wasn’t communicating with another system? And he not only figured it out, but he took steps to fix it!

Yesterday he checked both blogs and discovered each had a comment—one from someone I couldn’t identify. That posed a problem. The initial postings were like tests, and I didn’t want to write more until everything was in order. Now I shall have to begin in earnest.

Would it shock you to hear that the hardest aspect of growing older for me has been learning to live with myself. That includes both positive and negative aspects of myself.

First, a word about the negative. When I was younger—not in the early motherhood stages but later, when the children were gone or almost gone—I didn’t take the time to deal with life’s issues—I stuffed them. My advice to those in their 40s and 50s? Deal with issues because, if you don’t, they will eventually cave in on you. Maybe I’ll write about them later—occasionally—one at a time.

Dealing with positive truth can prove challenging, too. When I began dealing with the hurts and failures of my past, I experienced a positive truth I didn’t know I needed. I learned my personality was perfect.

During a difficult season, when we were in the process of building a lake home and when I had serious health problems, I dragged myself into the unfinished great room to make dinner. As I rounded a corner, God spoke to my heart. I didn’t hear audible words. I’d been struggling with many things and God’s voice quietly addressed them. Deep within, I knew God made me the way He wanted me and that He loved my personality.

Even now, almost ten years later, when I key those words into the computer, I feel overwhelmed--in part because I think people will be offended, but also because I believe He actually feels that way. After gradually experiencing the differences this truth has made in my life, I accept the revelation as a cornerstone of my identity. He made me, and He made me perfect. My problems didn’t—don’t—stem from a faulty personality. Real problems stem from lack of character. As for personality, every person is a unique reflection of Him and He wants to enjoy us. Wow.

I've included this picture of different shapes. I'm so glad God gives us variety throughout every aspect of life.

The initial effects of the revelation were subtle. The first noticeable change was the way I argued with Ken. Building a house is stressful and we had to make daily decisions. I learned to compromise.

It affected my relationships with others, too. I no longer felt a need to assert myself as I had. Because I experienced God’s approval, I didn’t actively seek it from outside sources—at least not as diligently.

But who was I? Who was this personality God loved?

I’ll just focus on a few passions because I believe they define a person. The first, of course, is God Himself. I could focus on finding my identity in Him. But I don’t believe that was His point when He spoke to me.

The second is my family. Ken and our children plus their children are my major earthly passion. But I felt impressed to focus on passions which motivate and move me regardless of family or any other influence. Passions intrinsic to my nature.

I am passionate about color. Especially red—but also yellow. Then you can add the brights—bright green, bright blue, bright purple. I don’t believe preferring bright colors is virtuous. I purchased a red wool sweater for Ken a few years ago at a ridiculous close-out price. But like so many married couples, Ken and I have different personalities. When he tried it on he said, It’s so red. He stuck to his grays and blues. The secret is that Ken’s personality is perfect, too. God loves variety and we all reflect, in part, His infinite nature.

I've included a picture of our red and yellow walls in the corner where they meet. The yellow is brighter in real color.

On a negative note, pun not intended but acknowledged, I am not passionate about music. I have a good ear and a nice voice, so I’ve felt guilty about not developing this gift. I suspect something happened early in life that caused me to withdraw from musical expression. I enjoy it and the people who love it greatly, but unless God heals, or motivates, or gives it to me as a passion—I’ll let it go. The Bible tells me, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. (Rom. 1:8 NKV)

I am passionate about writing. These days I feel compelled to express myself with words. But writing isn’t a virtue, either. I suspect I didn’t follow my inclinations to write when I was young because I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough. Today I feel no pressure to write brilliantly. I think about writing creatively and I focus on stating ideas clearly; it brings great joy. The pleasure is in the doing—because God made me that way.

Other passions? Reading and road trips. And at a reduced level, fashion and decorating (even on a limited budget), swimming, enjoying the outdoors, relaxing in the sun. I loved camping when we were younger, but now Ken and I worry about getting up from our air mattresses so I feel somewhat deprived at times.

Pursuing passions is challenging because it generates change—doing things like creating blogs. Change can be stressful but it’s exciting. For reasons I can’t explain, I’ve concluded God enjoys these things more than I—even fashion when properly done and emphasized. He created people with the capacity to create and to enjoy their creations—because He is creative and He enjoys His creation. He enjoys our creative process because it’s an extension of His creative process. That’s the nature of our God.