Sunny Pathway

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Relationships


I read a novel recently titled The Shack by William P. Young. It addresses relationships, and because I was thinking about aging while reading it, I realized anew that living in relationships is a difficult aspect of growing older.

Mack, the protagonist, goes to a shack, a scene where his family experienced unspeakable violence, to meet with God—represented by a large Black woman named Papa. A small Asian woman named Sarayu represents the Holy Spirit—she floats about while emanating colors. And Jesus—finally, someone reasonable—by a 30-something man from the Middle East.

I had less trouble with the characters after Papa explains he/she is manifesting in a form Mack can accept—Mack had been abused by his father. But I understand my friend who quit reading the book because everything seemed, and I quote her, “so silly.” When Papa drops a large bowl of a substance resembling a batter, Jesus wipes her feet and skirt while all members of the godhead laugh easily. I understand Jesus cleaning up—after all, He came as a servant. I understand good-natured laughter. But why would God drop a bowl of batter?

And yet. And yet—the interaction between them somehow illustrates the theology of the Trinity in ways that brought life to me. Although One, they are Three who interact and live in relationship with each other. They desire relationship with each other, with Mack, and with all people.

Conversations between the members of the Godhead and Mack deal with the issues of Mack's life—specifically, why a loving God allows evil. I think the writer does more than a credible job on the subject, but I kept reading because I was interested in the relationships. Although, unlike Mack, I was raised in a loving home, when I read his story I felt his rejection. Stories will do that, they broaden our experience.

Every background has its perils. I was taught to treat other people nicely. Excellent training, I guess. I can’t even suggest a better way to do it. I do know, however, that I regularly seethed inside because I had no freedom of choice when interacting with others. So Mack seethed for one reason and I for another. Like Mack, at times I suppressed my personality. What bothers me most is that I didn’t give my children choice, either.

Perhaps this is why I've struggled with the maxims of the New Testament, but a quick reread of Jesus’ teaching in the Sermon on the Mount is interesting. From a different perspective, it’s possible He wasn’t providing the people with a new, harsher list of rules. He was telling them to forget the rules and enter into relationship. Read it to see what you think. (Matthew 5, 6, & 7)

Like so many older couples, Ken and I especially struggled with our relationship after retirement. The truth is, during the busy years we had allowed our relationship to slide. Not that we disliked each other or didn’t function together. But somewhere along the line we had stopped sharing, had grown so far apart that we no longer took pleasure in each other’s company. Then we retired and had to become acquainted again.

To borrow a line from Dickens, It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Although relationships are of infinite value and they make life worth living, they're also demanding and at times irritating.

Ken and I intuitively approach life differently, but today he’s my closest friend other than Jesus. I’ve reflected a bit on how we navigated from there to here and can’t come up with an explanation—outside of that other friend I mentioned—Jesus. Connecting with Him somehow includes connecting with my husband—because God loves relationships. Paul said, You were his enemies, . . .Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. (Col. 1:22 NLT)

These days Ken and I have to work our way through things, deal with issues, see our personal failings, forgive for wounds inflicted, release the other to whatever, and love. It would be impossible outside of God’s grace. However, with him you [we] were raised to new life because you [we] trusted in the mighty power of god, who raised Christ from the dead. (Col. 2:12 NLT)


Don’t think I don’t resist, because submission includes releasing our will to each other. Submission, we’ve discovered, is mutual in relationship. Paul begins his teaching on husband-wife relationships with, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Eph. 5:21 NLT)

So how about God? Does He submit in relationships? You have to remember that I’m using Young’s book as a launching point, and only as a launching point. These ideas aren’t stated by him, but I believe God does submit. He submits to our will when He releases us to make our own mistakes while loving us anyway. He doesn’t ask us to do something He doesn’t do Himself.

Life is shaped by relationships—with our children, our birth family, our friends, our neighbors, etc. I’ve failed to a greater or lesser degree in all of them because I tried to live by rules rather than in relationship. Marriage, the most intimate human relationship, is a microcosm of the broader picture. I believe Ken’s and my return to relationship can only be viewed as an intricate, delicate journey wrought by an infinite God.

When God releases us, He also provides experiences to change us and lead us into repentance, forgiveness, submission, love. That's the miracle.

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